Why do we get so angry?

Why do we get so angry?

Source: Telegraph After going postal over a pretzel in Waitrose, one writer realised she had to find a new way to handle living with her anger towards her ex-boyfriend. Harsh words, long sulks or full-on tantrums – we all express our anger differently. Of course, the adult approach to dealing with something that irks us is to sit down and “talk things through” with the person doing the irking. But how many of us possess such maturity? If you’re anything like me, the minute something doesn’t go your way you’re inclined to throw yourself on the floor and kick and scream like a child denied her favourite toy. The last time I did that was when they ran out of my favourite pretzels in Waitrose. The poor security man thought I was having an epileptic fit. Of course, I wouldn’t ordinarily overreact to such a trivial nuisance this way. But my temper had been tested in recent weeks. The cause? My ex-boyfriend Adam – the once darling of my life who’d dumped me unceremoniously earlier this year. In truth, I’d seen the break-up coming. Our laughter-filled conversations on the sofa had dissolved into one-word exchanges in the hallway. We’d grown apart. But still, when he came home and announced that he wanted to end our eight-year relationship in February, it was a huge blow. The second wallop came when he told me he’d continue to live with me in our two-bedroom Victorian conversion flat until it sold. “What, you mean we’re going to be … flatmates?” I asked disbelievingly. “Yes,” he smiled. “Why not?” It was absurd. None of...

Why do I resist doing an Anger Management Programme?

Why do I resist doing an Anger Management Programme, even though I know it could potentially be a healthier option for me and as a result, beneficial to my family, work and overall well-being? A friend posted an interesting Facebook up-date today. It went something like this: ‘Somehow we lost 9 pairs of gloves at school last term which resulted in an almighty tantrum on my part on school property. My one New Year Resolution was not to erupt when we lost another. 6 days back and both boys have lost a pair !! I’m doing Vesuvius internally which isn’t a good look! Tips please ? Surely a pair on a ribbon going through the coat is no longer age appropriate!!! Grrrrrrrr &@£!’ She’s a dear friend and she’s crying out for help. She’s not erupting like a volcano on the outside but holding it all in. She thinks that if she finds a fool-proof way to keep the gloves save, her anger will disappear in a puff of smoke. But she’s wrong. As I wrote in reply, ‘It has nothing to with the gloves but everything to do with your anger.’ Let’s see how she responds. Having known her for 20 years, I expect she’ll initially be confused…“I haven’t got anger issues, I’m just mad that I’ve lost ten pairs of gloves, that’s all!” The reason she’s imploding like a volcano internally isn’t about the gloves, it’s about something else that either happened weeks, days or hours ago. It’s the throw-away comment her husband said weeks ago that’s been chipping at her ever since. It’s the tut her...

Stressed Out Kids At School

The headline promises, ‘Michael Gove, Education Secretary, has raised the possibility of longer school hours and shorter holidays.’ “Hooray,” you would expect parents to yell, “no more kids getting under our feet,” but what about the kids?Has anyone asked how the kids feel about working longer hours than any average child in Europe? In a world in which stress is a part of daily life, from keeping your boss happy, to keeping your partner happy, to keeping yourself happy, the demands are enormous and it’s often a stressful balancing act to keep everyone happy. Are politicians adding to the nation’s stress by targeting the youngest, whether it’s out of a genuine desire to improve their lives or more cynically to churn out more automotive slaves, the consequences are clear, kids will be more stressed than ever before. Stress on the rise My seven year old daughter went to sleep crying last night because she was scared about the art lesson the next day. Her fears centered on the teacher, who didn’t explain the frame-work of the lesson enough, which left my daughter feeling unsure of what to do. We all want to perform to the best of our ability and we all want to impress our peers around us. This applies even more to children, than adults. It starts as soon as kindergarten, with competitive play, which then turns the joy of learning into a struggle to excel. Excel in exams, friendship and keeping the teachers happy. Whether we are for them or against them, exams and the pressure to perform at school, creates considerable stress for our children. Compounded with sugary sweets and high...

Valentine’s day is upon us

It’s that time of the year when we declare our undying love to our wives, husbands and partners, and if single, look at couples with envious eyes and go out full steam to find love for ourselves. It’s that time of year we spend a small fortune on red roses, fancy chocolates and bottles of bubbly. No expense spared for the people we love. It’s the time of year we are all smiles and love is in our hearts, but it can also be the most stressful. ‘Everything must be perfect,’ is the trap we all fall into. Our loved ones must experience the best we can offer. The card must be perfect, the chocolates must be her favourite, her surprise gift of perfume must be her favourite, and the restaurant must be the best. The stress is already building and it isn’t even Valentine’s Day. We all have primary needs to replenish. We all need to feel loved, cared for, appreciated, valued, desired, respected, and honoured. We rely on our wives, husbands, partners and friends to massage our egos, to give us what we need to feel happy about ourselves and the lives we lead. While Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to give love and soak it up, we may be less stressed if we learnt to massage our own egos and replenish our own needs, rather than rely on somebody else to do it for us. Here are some simple tips to ensure you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, rather than a stressful one. Reschedule for a different day. Falling on a Thursday, Valentine’s Day isn’t...

What happens after you have completed an Anger Management Programme?

After saying goodbye to Mike Fisher and all the friends you’ve met over the weekend, the first promise you’ll make is to keep in touch and maintain that buddy support network, which Mike has been so keen on promoting all weekend. Getting into the car, or settling on the bus or train seat, you’ll reflect on the experience you’ve just been through. It’s been a weekend of deep emotions, of tears and frustrations. You’ve learnt things about yourself you never knew possible. You’ve brought up memories that were so deeply buried, you never would have guessed they had ever happened. You would have stepped out of your comfort zone and done something heroic. The first question you ask of yourself is, now what? Am I a different man or woman? Will I ever get angry or stressed again? Was it money well spent? You will soon come to realise it’s yes, yes and yes. You will be a different man and woman because you would have done something different to what you had always done. That decisive decision to take action would have taught you the skills to understand why you get angry and stressed, in ways you never knew possible. You will find yourself living in a new paradigm, of which you weren’t the day before.   You will learn about:     Managing Stress     The Consequences of Stress     Shaking the Apple Tree     The Feeling Wheel     Conflict Resolution     The Six Anger Styles     Three Communication Styles     The Detour Method     The Angry Brain     The Clearing Method     The Flow Process     Your Shadow...

When is Anger Good for You?

I’m always getting moaned at for getting angry. The last time it happened was when the kitchen bin was over filled and the plastic bag had been pushed down the sides and hard to get. I never exploded with rage or anything like that, but I did curse and expressed my anger with a heavy huff and buff as I dug my hands into the rubbish to grab the sides to tie up and take it away. I took it as a natural reaction to a smelly and unpleasant experience, but my partner took it personally because she had just cleaned the kitchen and felt that my huff and buff was in somehow directed towards her, but of-course it wasn’t. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had our buttons pressed, which resulted in our anger rearing it’s ugly head, but stop! Is it so bad to get angry every once and a while? After all, anger is indisputably a natural part of life, and in many cases expressing it can be healthy and beneficial. On a therapeutic level, it’s been widely accepted that repressing anger often leads to an accumulated affect and therefore exaggerated outbursts that negatively affect relationships and quality of life. While anger has been found to physiologically allow your body to release tension when its allowed to express itself. Suppressed anger equals a hell of a lot of stress Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re encouraged to express your anger at everything, or at the drop of a hat! Chronic rage sustained over a long period of time, causes both blood pressure and cortisol levels to...
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