by admin | Aug 18, 2014 | Anger, Courses, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Self-Awareness
Source: Telegraph After going postal over a pretzel in Waitrose, one writer realised she had to find a new way to handle living with her anger towards her ex-boyfriend. Harsh words, long sulks or full-on tantrums – we all express our anger differently. Of course, the adult approach to dealing with something that irks us is to sit down and “talk things through” with the person doing the irking. But how many of us possess such maturity? If you’re anything like me, the minute something doesn’t go your way you’re inclined to throw yourself on the floor and kick and scream like a child denied her favourite toy. The last time I did that was when they ran out of my favourite pretzels in Waitrose. The poor security man thought I was having an epileptic fit. Of course, I wouldn’t ordinarily overreact to such a trivial nuisance this way. But my temper had been tested in recent weeks. The cause? My ex-boyfriend Adam – the once darling of my life who’d dumped me unceremoniously earlier this year. In truth, I’d seen the break-up coming. Our laughter-filled conversations on the sofa had dissolved into one-word exchanges in the hallway. We’d grown apart. But still, when he came home and announced that he wanted to end our eight-year relationship in February, it was a huge blow. The second wallop came when he told me he’d continue to live with me in our two-bedroom Victorian conversion flat until it sold. “What, you mean we’re going to be … flatmates?” I asked disbelievingly. “Yes,” he smiled. “Why not?” It was absurd. None of...
by admin | Jun 2, 2014 | Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Resources
While it is often misunderstood as intelligence quotient (IQ), Emotional Quotient is different because instead of measuring your general intelligence, it measures your emotional intelligence. Emotional Quotient is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions to facilitate high levels of collaboration and productivity. In the business environment, Emotional Quotient is important because it helps you leverage your awareness of emotions for effectiveness in the workplace. Why is emotional intelligence (EQ) so important? As we know, it’s not the smartest people that are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual intelligence (IQ) isn’t enough on its own to be successful in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but it’s your EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams. Emotional intelligence affects: Your performance at work. Emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring. Your physical health. If you’re unable to manage your stress levels, it can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Stress
It’s that time of the year when we declare our undying love to our wives, husbands and partners, and if single, look at couples with envious eyes and go out full steam to find love for ourselves. It’s that time of year we spend a small fortune on red roses, fancy chocolates and bottles of bubbly. No expense spared for the people we love. It’s the time of year we are all smiles and love is in our hearts, but it can also be the most stressful. ‘Everything must be perfect,’ is the trap we all fall into. Our loved ones must experience the best we can offer. The card must be perfect, the chocolates must be her favourite, her surprise gift of perfume must be her favourite, and the restaurant must be the best. The stress is already building and it isn’t even Valentine’s Day. We all have primary needs to replenish. We all need to feel loved, cared for, appreciated, valued, desired, respected, and honoured. We rely on our wives, husbands, partners and friends to massage our egos, to give us what we need to feel happy about ourselves and the lives we lead. While Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to give love and soak it up, we may be less stressed if we learnt to massage our own egos and replenish our own needs, rather than rely on somebody else to do it for us. Here are some simple tips to ensure you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, rather than a stressful one. Reschedule for a different day. Falling on a Thursday, Valentine’s Day isn’t...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Inspiration, Mindfulness, Resources
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that we feel and implement into our day to day life. Gratitude is defined as feeling the quality of being thankful for something, or showing appreciation to those who treat us well and expose us to acts of kindness. Whilst most of us will subconsciously show signs of gratitude in our day to day life, in this article we are going to look at the importance of gratitude, and how our quality of life can be improved by further understanding our knowledge of gratitude and the way that we use it. A study was recently conducted in which two psychologists studied gratitude, and the effect that it had on our well-being. Michael McCollough and Robert Emmons selected several hundred participants for the study. The participants were off mixed sex, race, backgrounds and social groups as to make the study as impartial and accurate to the entire United States population as possible. Split into three groups, the participants were asked to keep a daily diary. The first group of people were instructed to document their day without being told to focus on good or bad things. The second group of people were asked to document unpleasant experiences only, whilst the third group only wrote down a list of things that they felt grateful for each day. After they had written in their diaries for a set amount of time, the results were collected and studied by the psychologists and their teams. The results showed that completing simple daily gratitude exercises such as keeping a diary helped all participants to experience higher levels of enthusiasm, alertness,...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Violence
Christmas is a fading memory and the New Year fizz went pop weeks ago. Now what? Are we everything we want to be? Are we sticking to our New Year’s resolutions and ultimately, are we happy? 2014 is a new opportunity to learn more about ourselves. A new opportunity to learn what makes us tick and how we think, because how we think about ourselves has consequences for everyone around us. As the title alludes, anger is an emotion we are all familiar with. But why are we angry? That’s the question we could be asking. Why is it that on some days the kids can come home and dump their coats and bags on the floor and you pick them up with patience and a smile, while other days when their coats and bags are dumped on the floor, an almighty roar escapes you and you see red. Is it simply the fact they dropped their stuff unceremoniously, or is it something else? Somewhere inside of us we know that it’s usually something else! From attending a course with the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), I got to understand why I get angry. Recognising this one simple aspect of what makes me tick, has opened up a whole treasure trove of understanding. I’m angry because I had a shameful childhood, which I kept suppressed from loved ones, friends and ultimately myself. I dealt with it then by believing in the fantasy of my own making, for example: “My mum was committed to a mental institution because she was a genius, born before her time!” I also got...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Domestic, Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Inspiration, Self-Awareness, Stress
It’s been six months since I went on Mike Fisher’s British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) course. Six months since I sat in a room with six strangers and revealed proudly to the world, I get angry and I’m here to do something about it. I remember it well. Mike Fisher has been running weekend workshops for over 17 years and has averaged out to have helped a 1000 people deal with their anger, for every year doing it. I love Will Storr’s description of anger, which he wrote for the Observer newspaper having been on Mike’s weekend course in 2007. “I can feel my rage. It collects in the centre of my throat. It’s like I’ve swallowed a cannonball and it makes me want to scream. I am brimful of anger, and when it sloshes out, it does so in the only direction it’s allowed to – at inanimate objects. I shout at keys I can’t find, at carrots I drop on the kitchen floor, at doors I stub my toe on. Last week I called a spilled glass of elderflower cordial a cunt.” There are six ways we express our anger; intimidation, interrogation, poor me, distancing, winding up and blunder bussing. I’m a bit of everything when I get angry. I’m a big man who looks scary in an aggressive, ‘I can kill you’ stance. I’m good at machine-gun spraying questions, while being a victim the next moment. I often walk away from situations having dropped an anger grenade in the room, leaving its victims to clear up the emotional mess. When I’m angry at seeing my...
