by Hannah | Sep 26, 2016 | Anger
Miscommunication or crossed-wires can cause anger. This is because we as humans do not like to feel like we are misunderstood. However, it is very important to look at the other person’s perspective in any given situation. It may be that you need to improve the way that you communicate your feelings to your friends and family. This may mean that you need to analyse your feelings alone or with a therapist before you bring up the issue with your friend or partner. As feelings are subjective, it is sometimes very hard for other people to see the reasons behind your behaviour. This means that unless you explain the reasons behind the hurt, the upset and the anger, that they are never going to understand where you are coming from. When dealing with someone who is expressing their feelings it is imperative that you do not invalidate their feelings and when you, yourself are expressing your feelings, point out that you do not appreciate anyone who attempts to invalidate yours. The other person is not you and therefore has no idea what you are feeling. The only way that the other person is going to realise how much they have hurt you is through you communicating and explaining to that person what they did wrong and how it made you feel. This then gives them a chance to explain their motives and what drove them to the behaviour; more often than not the person didn’t intend to hurt you or didn’t even realise that their actions would hurt your feelings. Miscommunication between men and women happen frequently...
by admin | Sep 26, 2016 | Anger
“It’s hard to know the difference between parenting and bullying,” admits Matt, father of two and one of a growing number of parents seeking help to control what they see as unacceptable levels of anger towards their children. Matt is an articulate and successful self-employed businessman in his 40s. After he split up from their mother five years ago, his two sons, then 11 and 14, started to act up by answering back, skipping homework, drinking and taking drugs. It marked the start of a phase of intense anger for Matt, who eventually sought help. “I have on a few occasions grabbed my eldest son by the scruff of his neck and shouted in his face. I couldn’t understand why they don’t do what I want them to do. Even now they make me question my skills as a parent.” He’s not alone. Over two decades, Mike Fisher has seen first-hand the effect of anger on children and their parents. Since setting up the British Association of Anger Managementin 1999, he has worked with tens of thousands of people, helping them to manage and understand their anger. For the past 13 years he has also delivered one-day workshops specifically aimed at parental anger, for Ealing council in west London. The course is always heavily oversubscribed. “We always have to turn people away and put them on a waiting list for the next one,” says Kate Subanney, Ealing’s parent commissioner, whose idea it was to get Mike involved. The parents she sends his way have all been referred to her by social services, the NHS, police, or solicitors, but...
by Hannah | Sep 25, 2016 | Anger
“Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you” Joel Osteen It is true. Every day we have opportunities to get angry, when driving to work in a pleasant mood and you are suddenly cut up by an inconsiderate driver or working for the boss who is forever demeaning you or your co-worker who is trying to pass off your ideas as their own. There will always be something in your day that has the potential to throw you off track. But that is all it is: potential. You have the power over your own happiness and you have the power to make the decision and just let it go. Feeling angry is appropriate if someone has done something to hurt you out of malice. This is when you need your better judgement to decide whether that person had the intention of causing you harm. If the answer is no, then you need to make the conscious decision to let it go. Sometimes we ask advice from others but then find ourselves fighting off criticism or comments from a colleague or a friend. Stop and think to yourself, “is this person’s intention to cause me harm?” The colleague may be trying to help you impress your boss and your friend may just be trying to help you improve your relationship. Either way you need to assess people’s intentions before you blow your fuse. You...
by Hannah | Aug 19, 2016 | Anger
Historically, women have not been able or allowed to express their feelings due to their submissive roles. Therefore it comes as a surprise to many men when a woman gets angry, despite the fact that we live in the 21st century. Anger is an expression of hurt so, naturally, every woman will feel it but they will express it in different ways. As many women have suppressed their anger for a period of time, this can potentially lead to a build-up of problems and then she can explode. In the past this was wholly unacceptable, as a woman must contain her anger. However, women are getting more comfortable expressing their anger, even if society is not. There are many things that can contribute to a women’s anger. Generally as teens, young women are generally not treated well by men or society, often getting treated like objects or being used and potentially abused, leading them to believe that they are not worthy of love, a is a primary human need. This can mean that the relationship that they often crave so much will usually be of a poor quality, diminishing their self-esteem. This often results in an ‘inward’ anger which is often the root of depression. Another factor in a female’s anger is her upbringing, including her relationship with her father. If her father withholds affection she will crave it from other men, if this is the case she may report low relationship satisfaction when trying to find a partner. Another relationship relevant to female anger is that of her parents. She will either resent or want to...
by Hannah | Aug 17, 2016 | Anger
Britain is getting angrier. Which is not surprising as our media seems to encourage violence. We, as a society, have welcomed violence and aggression into our home in the form of DVDs, social media content and video games, where the reoccurring theme is that violence and aggression is acceptable. Bandura’s (1963) popular study on aggression and role model behaviour saw that children who were exposed to an aggressive role model behaved more aggressively than those children who were exposed to either a non-aggressive role model or no role model at all. 80% of people believe Britain is becoming angrier and this anger is spilling out into our professional lives, our daily commute and even our most intimate relationships. 45% of staff regularly lose their temper at work. This could be because of a demanding workload and increasing stress levels or it could be due to the fact that 53% of people have been the victims of bullying at work. Both bullying and increased stress levels have a detrimental effect on anger and the (usually unhealthy) way it is expressed. Not surprisingly Britain is the top road rage country within the European Union with 80.4% of drivers claiming to have been involved in road rage incidents; another 1 in 4 drivers admit to committing an act of road rage. There was an astonishing 400% increase in air rage between 1997 and 2000. It is shocking that we seem to be ok or more comfortable communicating our hurt and anger in every way but face to face. 65% of people are likely to express anger over...
by Hannah | Jul 15, 2016 | Anger
If you suffer from anger issues, it could be due to the rage that you feel from being abandoned. This anger has the goal of revenge on everyone in the surrounding world because your physical and emotional needs were not met. This anger wants to inflict revenge on any individual who has hurt you, either physically or emotionally. It is not unusual for those attempting suicide to report that the suicide is a bid for revenge. “When I’m dead they’ll see, they’ll miss me when I’m gone and they will have to live with the guilt that my death is their fault.” Individuals often turn to drugs, alcoholism and sexual endeavours as an attempt to ignore or bury the real problem: their feelings of abandonment. Those who have feelings of abandonment often struggle with relationships due to the rage felt. As soon as your significant other offends you, you become hurt, which manifests itself as anger. To cope with the pain, which caused the anger, you used a defence mechanism, and pushed them away, rejecting their love. By shutting yourself down emotionally, you exacted your revenge on those who had the potential to hurt you, by hiding how you feel. However, you will always feel misunderstood because you are not disclosing how you feel. This defence mechanism may work in the short term, but in the long term you are doing more harm than good. By pushing everyone with the potential to hurt you away, you won’t get hurt, but at the same time you won’t feel loved, which is a primary human need....
