by admin | Aug 18, 2014 | Anger, Courses, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Self-Awareness
Source: Telegraph After going postal over a pretzel in Waitrose, one writer realised she had to find a new way to handle living with her anger towards her ex-boyfriend. Harsh words, long sulks or full-on tantrums – we all express our anger differently. Of course, the adult approach to dealing with something that irks us is to sit down and “talk things through” with the person doing the irking. But how many of us possess such maturity? If you’re anything like me, the minute something doesn’t go your way you’re inclined to throw yourself on the floor and kick and scream like a child denied her favourite toy. The last time I did that was when they ran out of my favourite pretzels in Waitrose. The poor security man thought I was having an epileptic fit. Of course, I wouldn’t ordinarily overreact to such a trivial nuisance this way. But my temper had been tested in recent weeks. The cause? My ex-boyfriend Adam – the once darling of my life who’d dumped me unceremoniously earlier this year. In truth, I’d seen the break-up coming. Our laughter-filled conversations on the sofa had dissolved into one-word exchanges in the hallway. We’d grown apart. But still, when he came home and announced that he wanted to end our eight-year relationship in February, it was a huge blow. The second wallop came when he told me he’d continue to live with me in our two-bedroom Victorian conversion flat until it sold. “What, you mean we’re going to be … flatmates?” I asked disbelievingly. “Yes,” he smiled. “Why not?” It was absurd. None of...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Mike Fisher, Stress
Why do I resist doing an Anger Management Programme, even though I know it could potentially be a healthier option for me and as a result, beneficial to my family, work and overall well-being? A friend posted an interesting Facebook up-date today. It went something like this: ‘Somehow we lost 9 pairs of gloves at school last term which resulted in an almighty tantrum on my part on school property. My one New Year Resolution was not to erupt when we lost another. 6 days back and both boys have lost a pair !! I’m doing Vesuvius internally which isn’t a good look! Tips please ? Surely a pair on a ribbon going through the coat is no longer age appropriate!!! Grrrrrrrr &@£!’ She’s a dear friend and she’s crying out for help. She’s not erupting like a volcano on the outside but holding it all in. She thinks that if she finds a fool-proof way to keep the gloves save, her anger will disappear in a puff of smoke. But she’s wrong. As I wrote in reply, ‘It has nothing to with the gloves but everything to do with your anger.’ Let’s see how she responds. Having known her for 20 years, I expect she’ll initially be confused…“I haven’t got anger issues, I’m just mad that I’ve lost ten pairs of gloves, that’s all!” The reason she’s imploding like a volcano internally isn’t about the gloves, it’s about something else that either happened weeks, days or hours ago. It’s the throw-away comment her husband said weeks ago that’s been chipping at her ever since. It’s the tut her...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Stress
It’s that time of the year when we declare our undying love to our wives, husbands and partners, and if single, look at couples with envious eyes and go out full steam to find love for ourselves. It’s that time of year we spend a small fortune on red roses, fancy chocolates and bottles of bubbly. No expense spared for the people we love. It’s the time of year we are all smiles and love is in our hearts, but it can also be the most stressful. ‘Everything must be perfect,’ is the trap we all fall into. Our loved ones must experience the best we can offer. The card must be perfect, the chocolates must be her favourite, her surprise gift of perfume must be her favourite, and the restaurant must be the best. The stress is already building and it isn’t even Valentine’s Day. We all have primary needs to replenish. We all need to feel loved, cared for, appreciated, valued, desired, respected, and honoured. We rely on our wives, husbands, partners and friends to massage our egos, to give us what we need to feel happy about ourselves and the lives we lead. While Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to give love and soak it up, we may be less stressed if we learnt to massage our own egos and replenish our own needs, rather than rely on somebody else to do it for us. Here are some simple tips to ensure you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, rather than a stressful one. Reschedule for a different day. Falling on a Thursday, Valentine’s Day isn’t...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Mike Fisher, Resources, Stress
After saying goodbye to Mike Fisher and all the friends you’ve met over the weekend, the first promise you’ll make is to keep in touch and maintain that buddy support network, which Mike has been so keen on promoting all weekend. Getting into the car, or settling on the bus or train seat, you’ll reflect on the experience you’ve just been through. It’s been a weekend of deep emotions, of tears and frustrations. You’ve learnt things about yourself you never knew possible. You’ve brought up memories that were so deeply buried, you never would have guessed they had ever happened. You would have stepped out of your comfort zone and done something heroic. The first question you ask of yourself is, now what? Am I a different man or woman? Will I ever get angry or stressed again? Was it money well spent? You will soon come to realise it’s yes, yes and yes. You will be a different man and woman because you would have done something different to what you had always done. That decisive decision to take action would have taught you the skills to understand why you get angry and stressed, in ways you never knew possible. You will find yourself living in a new paradigm, of which you weren’t the day before. You will learn about: Managing Stress The Consequences of Stress Shaking the Apple Tree The Feeling Wheel Conflict Resolution The Six Anger Styles Three Communication Styles The Detour Method The Angry Brain The Clearing Method The Flow Process Your Shadow...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Violence
Christmas is a fading memory and the New Year fizz went pop weeks ago. Now what? Are we everything we want to be? Are we sticking to our New Year’s resolutions and ultimately, are we happy? 2014 is a new opportunity to learn more about ourselves. A new opportunity to learn what makes us tick and how we think, because how we think about ourselves has consequences for everyone around us. As the title alludes, anger is an emotion we are all familiar with. But why are we angry? That’s the question we could be asking. Why is it that on some days the kids can come home and dump their coats and bags on the floor and you pick them up with patience and a smile, while other days when their coats and bags are dumped on the floor, an almighty roar escapes you and you see red. Is it simply the fact they dropped their stuff unceremoniously, or is it something else? Somewhere inside of us we know that it’s usually something else! From attending a course with the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), I got to understand why I get angry. Recognising this one simple aspect of what makes me tick, has opened up a whole treasure trove of understanding. I’m angry because I had a shameful childhood, which I kept suppressed from loved ones, friends and ultimately myself. I dealt with it then by believing in the fantasy of my own making, for example: “My mum was committed to a mental institution because she was a genius, born before her time!” I also got...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Stress, Violence
We live in a world where we have to get from place A to B as quickly as possible and we each have our favourite mode of transport to do it with. Out of them all, train, car and plane, cycling is the cheapest and fittest way to travel. It takes a brave soul to get on a saddle and engage with the busy and congested roads of London on a daily basis. Alas it also appears to be the most dangerous, with the tragic death of the 6th cyclist in the last few months, and the 14th this year. London is in shock London has never been so congested. The morning rush ‘hour’ starts at about 5.30am on major roads and lasts for up to three hours. In some parts of London, journey times are so slow, traffic moves at around one mile per hour. No wonder people are choosing to cycle in more and more numbers. Health officials and the London Major’s office will find a way to improve the roads for both cyclist and motorist. The recent tragic deaths can only be truly honoured with a legacy of a smart London road system which ensures nobody dies on it’s roads. As always with facing such drastic measures, the debate between cyclists and motorists has once again erupted. Sadly both the cyclists and motorists are missing the most tragic point; it isn’t their riding or driving ability thats the danger on the roads, it’s their anger level once they sit on the saddle or behind the wheel. The danger on the roads isn’t our riding or driving...
