by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Depression, Resources, Stress, Young People
The headline promises, ‘Michael Gove, Education Secretary, has raised the possibility of longer school hours and shorter holidays.’ “Hooray,” you would expect parents to yell, “no more kids getting under our feet,” but what about the kids?Has anyone asked how the kids feel about working longer hours than any average child in Europe? In a world in which stress is a part of daily life, from keeping your boss happy, to keeping your partner happy, to keeping yourself happy, the demands are enormous and it’s often a stressful balancing act to keep everyone happy. Are politicians adding to the nation’s stress by targeting the youngest, whether it’s out of a genuine desire to improve their lives or more cynically to churn out more automotive slaves, the consequences are clear, kids will be more stressed than ever before. Stress on the rise My seven year old daughter went to sleep crying last night because she was scared about the art lesson the next day. Her fears centered on the teacher, who didn’t explain the frame-work of the lesson enough, which left my daughter feeling unsure of what to do. We all want to perform to the best of our ability and we all want to impress our peers around us. This applies even more to children, than adults. It starts as soon as kindergarten, with competitive play, which then turns the joy of learning into a struggle to excel. Excel in exams, friendship and keeping the teachers happy. Whether we are for them or against them, exams and the pressure to perform at school, creates considerable stress for our children. Compounded with sugary sweets and high...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Stress
It’s that time of the year when we declare our undying love to our wives, husbands and partners, and if single, look at couples with envious eyes and go out full steam to find love for ourselves. It’s that time of year we spend a small fortune on red roses, fancy chocolates and bottles of bubbly. No expense spared for the people we love. It’s the time of year we are all smiles and love is in our hearts, but it can also be the most stressful. ‘Everything must be perfect,’ is the trap we all fall into. Our loved ones must experience the best we can offer. The card must be perfect, the chocolates must be her favourite, her surprise gift of perfume must be her favourite, and the restaurant must be the best. The stress is already building and it isn’t even Valentine’s Day. We all have primary needs to replenish. We all need to feel loved, cared for, appreciated, valued, desired, respected, and honoured. We rely on our wives, husbands, partners and friends to massage our egos, to give us what we need to feel happy about ourselves and the lives we lead. While Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to give love and soak it up, we may be less stressed if we learnt to massage our own egos and replenish our own needs, rather than rely on somebody else to do it for us. Here are some simple tips to ensure you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, rather than a stressful one. Reschedule for a different day. Falling on a Thursday, Valentine’s Day isn’t...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Depression, Domestic, Stress
I’m always getting moaned at for getting angry. The last time it happened was when the kitchen bin was over filled and the plastic bag had been pushed down the sides and hard to get. I never exploded with rage or anything like that, but I did curse and expressed my anger with a heavy huff and buff as I dug my hands into the rubbish to grab the sides to tie up and take it away. I took it as a natural reaction to a smelly and unpleasant experience, but my partner took it personally because she had just cleaned the kitchen and felt that my huff and buff was in somehow directed towards her, but of-course it wasn’t. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had our buttons pressed, which resulted in our anger rearing it’s ugly head, but stop! Is it so bad to get angry every once and a while? After all, anger is indisputably a natural part of life, and in many cases expressing it can be healthy and beneficial. On a therapeutic level, it’s been widely accepted that repressing anger often leads to an accumulated affect and therefore exaggerated outbursts that negatively affect relationships and quality of life. While anger has been found to physiologically allow your body to release tension when its allowed to express itself. Suppressed anger equals a hell of a lot of stress Of course, that doesn’t mean you’re encouraged to express your anger at everything, or at the drop of a hat! Chronic rage sustained over a long period of time, causes both blood pressure and cortisol levels to...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Mike Fisher, Resources, Violence
Christmas is a fading memory and the New Year fizz went pop weeks ago. Now what? Are we everything we want to be? Are we sticking to our New Year’s resolutions and ultimately, are we happy? 2014 is a new opportunity to learn more about ourselves. A new opportunity to learn what makes us tick and how we think, because how we think about ourselves has consequences for everyone around us. As the title alludes, anger is an emotion we are all familiar with. But why are we angry? That’s the question we could be asking. Why is it that on some days the kids can come home and dump their coats and bags on the floor and you pick them up with patience and a smile, while other days when their coats and bags are dumped on the floor, an almighty roar escapes you and you see red. Is it simply the fact they dropped their stuff unceremoniously, or is it something else? Somewhere inside of us we know that it’s usually something else! From attending a course with the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), I got to understand why I get angry. Recognising this one simple aspect of what makes me tick, has opened up a whole treasure trove of understanding. I’m angry because I had a shameful childhood, which I kept suppressed from loved ones, friends and ultimately myself. I dealt with it then by believing in the fantasy of my own making, for example: “My mum was committed to a mental institution because she was a genius, born before her time!” I also got...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Christmas, Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Self-Awareness, Stress, Violence, Young People
Christmas is coming and the most stressful time of the year is drawing near. So much to do. The tree is top priority, followed closely by presents, food, drink and good-cheer in equal measure. Christmas is the most stressful time of the year. More than half of us have family disagreements and a quarter of us say our relationships with our partners come under immense pressure. We have never been under so much pressure to deliver a perfect Christmas. We’re lured into thinking Christmas is perfect by the glossy TV Christmas adverts, with celebrities smiling as they huddle around the Christmas tree exchanging gifts, beautifully wrapped. Everyone must be happy and cheerful through the season of goodwill. No one is allowed to be sad or depressed. NO ONE MUST GET ANGRY! Here’s what to do and not to do over Xmas. Prepare, prepare, prepare! Its the only way you’ll give yourself the time to relax and enjoy the day. Don’t give yourself a hard time making everything perfect. Stop and look at the bigger picture, its just one day! Think about the incidents, which press your buttons in all the wrong ways. Our buttons are unique to all of us and what makes one person angry is completely different to the next. Figure out a strategy of how you are going to deal with those circumstances, whether it’s a brother-in-law, mother-in-law or wife. Think about the Bigger Picture! Christmas is the one day that getting angry isn’t worth the long term consequences. You are never as good as your last...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Depression, Domestic, Emotions, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Shame, Stress
Mike Fisher is Europe’s leading expert on stress and anger management. As the founder of the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), and having helped over 16,000 people over a 16 year period, he knows a lot about how low self esteem leads to stress, and how stress leads to anger. Promoting BAAM’s latest products of mediation, stress audits, conflict free resolutions, face-to-face Skype work and group stress programmes, Mike tells us how low self esteem has a direct correlation to stress. He says that the idea of how stress affects low self esteem is actually pandemic in our culture, citing evidence that nearly all BAAM clients have the underlining issue of low self esteem. When a person is suffering from low self esteem, there are five contributing factors. Priority. If you don’t prioritise yourself, you will find you take on projects, activities or say yes to certain commitments because you aren’t considering how taking on somebody else’s prioritises, affects your own emotional wellbeing and health. If you don’t make yourself a priority in your own life, you will in effect be ignoring your own stress signs, ignoring what you are capable of doing and not capable of doing and ignoring your own limitations. Pressure. Through the years of helping people, Mike is aware of how many individuals put themselves under copious amounts of pressure to perform, which eventually exhausts them and they become ill. Mike has recognised the correlation between stress and anger. He says that stress fuels anger and gives us this simple formula to better understand it: Reduced Stress + Reduced Anger = Increased...
