We often hurt the ones we love the most – especially in relationships. And when you spend virtually all of your free time with the same person, it’s inevitable that you’ll have the occasional row.
From who left the toothpaste top off to whose turn it is to take the bins out, most couples would agree the odd tiff is unavoidable and is in fact, a natural part of a healthy relationship.
Even the experts agree being angry with your other half can help get rid of tension and is a sign you’re comfortable enough to truly be yourself. But what happens when tiffs become daily screaming matches?
Practice the following 5-point plan to control and manage your anger:
1. Say “I” instead of “You“
One of the first things we do when angry is blame and shame the other person for our feelings. By saying “I feel” instead of “you make me feel” we take ownership of our own feelings.
2. Stick to the facts
It’s very easy to mix up facts, feelings and opinions when bringing a complaint to someone, resulting in an argument. By stating the facts first – such as “we agreed to meet at 8 and you arrived at 8.30” – you can keep the matter clear.
3. Don’t take it personally
When we realise that 99% of what others say em and or do to us is actually all about them and not about us, we can start to let people resolve their own issues instead of allowing ourselves to believe the put-down.
4. Deal with past-tense anger
Rage is most often the result of unfinished business between people. Stop ‘sweeping‘ anger under the carpet. It’s real and will eat away at you and your relationships if you don’t learn how to express it clearly.
5. Look at the ‘big picture‘
There’s no sense in stressing about things that don’t matter in the long run. Learn to say how you feel in the moment, then make time to discuss things that are important to you when you’re NOT angry.
Learn to have empathy too – in other words, listen with an open heart.
Source:
Daily Mirror
