Stress and Low Self-Esteem

Mike Fisher is Europe’s leading expert on stress and anger management. As the founder of the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), and having helped over 16,000 people over a 16 year period, he knows a lot about how low self esteem leads to stress, and how stress leads to anger.   Promoting BAAM’s latest products of mediation, stress audits, conflict free resolutions, face-to-face Skype work and group stress programmes, Mike tells us how low self esteem has a direct correlation to stress.   He says that the idea of how stress affects low self esteem is actually pandemic in our culture, citing evidence that nearly all BAAM clients have the underlining issue of low self esteem.   When a person is suffering from low self esteem, there are five contributing factors.   Priority. If you don’t prioritise yourself, you will find you take on projects, activities or say yes to certain commitments because you aren’t considering how taking on somebody else’s prioritises, affects your own emotional wellbeing and health. If you don’t make yourself a priority in your own life, you will in effect be ignoring your own stress signs, ignoring what you are capable of doing and not capable of doing and ignoring your own limitations. Pressure. Through the years of helping people, Mike is aware of how many individuals put themselves under copious amounts of pressure to perform, which eventually exhausts them and they become ill. Mike has recognised the correlation between stress and anger. He says that stress fuels anger and gives us this simple formula to better understand it: Reduced Stress + Reduced Anger = Increased...

Stylist Magazine Article about Anger Management, BAAM

Aaaaargh! We are a nation of hotheads who can’t get through one day without getting irate. In a bid to calm down, Stylist investigates anger management I knew I’d made a mistake the moment I pushed her. It was as if my arms had become separated from my body, fuelled by the heat rising from the pit of my stomach and spreading across my chest. Yes, we were both drunk, and yes, we were having a blazing row, but I was the one who made it physical. When I look back on that night I can see I was out of control. I’d never laid a hand on anyone before, let alone one of my oldest and dearest friends. And although it was only a shove, it was enough to dampen our friendship forever. This is not the only time I’ve given my mind over to anger. There have been thoughtless spiky comments which reduced my mother to tears; a close call with the LAPD after an argument with a bouncer on holiday (I told him he’d never satisfied a woman); and an entire five-year relationship that was blighted with snide, passive aggressive taunts. I look back on these occasions and feel physically sick (although I can raise a smile about the bouncer) because most of the things I regret in my life happened when I was angry. But I know I’ve got company. Picture how you felt the last time someone sidled in front of you at a bar. Or when you were on hold for 45 minutes, only to be passed between five people, just to get...

Emotional Icebergs

Emotions can hit like a storm — out of the clear blue. And the raw intensity can be upsetting and leave you wondering what’s wrong with you. You think, “Oh I must be stressed.” That may be true, but here may be another reason why your emotions get so out of whack. That reason is likely an iceberg belief. It’s a thought or belief you have — about the world, yourself, the way people should act — that even you may not be aware of. It sits just below the surface and looms large enough that it gets in your way without you realising it. They’re called icebergs because only the tip is in our conscious awareness. The rest lies under water, below the level of awareness. Like a real iceberg, these thoughts can be difficult to steer around and can even sink the ship. They’re developed in childhood, before you’re even aware of them. And for the most part you take them for granted, and don’t realize they’re causing stress. But they are. How to Spot an Iceberg Belief One easy way to know one is that it includes “must” or “should” as in, “I must be the perfect parent,” or “if someone loves me, he should let me do whatever I want.” There are three different categories of iceberg beliefs, representing the different worlds or areas you occupy in your life: The achievement world includes school, work/career, official or unofficial roles at our church, your kid’s school, community boards. The people in this world are your teachers, bosses, colleagues and others involved in community activities. EXAMPLES: “Failure is a sign of weakness.”...

Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is a topic that is discussed amongst young people and in schools, but it often goes un-noticed outside of these environments. Whilst government advisors, educators, mental health experts and psychologists all agree that self-esteem is extremely important to our wellbeing, it’s not something often talked about. Those with high self-esteem tend to be more motivated in day-to-day tasks, have the ability to handle criticism, are able to take responsibility for their actions, take pride in their achievements and take control of their lives. Whilst people with low self-esteem might also be able to carry out many of the feats listed above, studies show that people with high self-esteem will on average perform more effectively and be happier. One of the main issues surrounding Self-esteem is the negative stigma that is often portrayed. Many people believe that having low self-esteem means that you suffer from depression – in reality, this is far from the truth, and causes people to worry unnecessarily about their mental health. Provoking Environment Self-esteem is prominent amongst children, and youngsters that do not view themselves as “perfect”, may show signs of developing low self-esteem. In today’s society image is so important, and whether you agree with it or not, kids are trying to look like their idols. Whether this means fasting to lose weight, spending money to appear rich, getting tattoos and piercings to look cool – the signs of low self amongst teenagers are everywhere, and it’s a worrying trend that needs addressing. Individuals in an unhappy relationship may also experience feelings of low self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, disgust, anger & disappointment...

Depression and Anger

When I first looked into writing this blog I thought I would right it in third-person perspective as I now specialise in anger, stress and emotional management. But depression and anger was a big part in my life so I will write this as a sufferer of both. I left school with one GCSE above ‘C’ in art, attended three colleges, a failed year at university and had around 20 different jobs. Then in my early twenties I slipped into depression. I had lost my identity, my self-esteem and confidence were at rock bottom and my life was going nowhere. Did I think anger played a part in me becoming depressed or compounded the symptoms, no not for one minute. Did I shout and scream or get aggressive, no. Aggressive behaviour is only one end of the spectrum; the other end is passive aggression. Both can have a major impact on individuals’ lives and the people around them. The passive side by it’s nature can be hidden and for some they don’t even know the effect it is having on them.  Anger is part of our lives; it’s a natural feeling and it’s only in the way we express it that makes it healthy or unhealthy. When I got angry I felt I didn’t want conflict or confrontation so I held it inside of me. I didn’t have the words of the means to express myself in a healthy way, so I ‘contained’ myself. I looked to the outside world to help me, which we all need but with low self-esteem I relied on others to make me feel...
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