by admin | May 29, 2014 | Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Inspiration, Mindfulness, Resources
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that we feel and implement into our day to day life. Gratitude is defined as feeling the quality of being thankful for something, or showing appreciation to those who treat us well and expose us to acts of kindness. Whilst most of us will subconsciously show signs of gratitude in our day to day life, in this article we are going to look at the importance of gratitude, and how our quality of life can be improved by further understanding our knowledge of gratitude and the way that we use it. A study was recently conducted in which two psychologists studied gratitude, and the effect that it had on our well-being. Michael McCollough and Robert Emmons selected several hundred participants for the study. The participants were off mixed sex, race, backgrounds and social groups as to make the study as impartial and accurate to the entire United States population as possible. Split into three groups, the participants were asked to keep a daily diary. The first group of people were instructed to document their day without being told to focus on good or bad things. The second group of people were asked to document unpleasant experiences only, whilst the third group only wrote down a list of things that they felt grateful for each day. After they had written in their diaries for a set amount of time, the results were collected and studied by the psychologists and their teams. The results showed that completing simple daily gratitude exercises such as keeping a diary helped all participants to experience higher levels of enthusiasm, alertness,...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Domestic, Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Inspiration, Self-Awareness, Stress
It’s been six months since I went on Mike Fisher’s British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) course. Six months since I sat in a room with six strangers and revealed proudly to the world, I get angry and I’m here to do something about it. I remember it well. Mike Fisher has been running weekend workshops for over 17 years and has averaged out to have helped a 1000 people deal with their anger, for every year doing it. I love Will Storr’s description of anger, which he wrote for the Observer newspaper having been on Mike’s weekend course in 2007. “I can feel my rage. It collects in the centre of my throat. It’s like I’ve swallowed a cannonball and it makes me want to scream. I am brimful of anger, and when it sloshes out, it does so in the only direction it’s allowed to – at inanimate objects. I shout at keys I can’t find, at carrots I drop on the kitchen floor, at doors I stub my toe on. Last week I called a spilled glass of elderflower cordial a cunt.” There are six ways we express our anger; intimidation, interrogation, poor me, distancing, winding up and blunder bussing. I’m a bit of everything when I get angry. I’m a big man who looks scary in an aggressive, ‘I can kill you’ stance. I’m good at machine-gun spraying questions, while being a victim the next moment. I often walk away from situations having dropped an anger grenade in the room, leaving its victims to clear up the emotional mess. When I’m angry at seeing my...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Emotions, Inspiration, Resources, Stress, Work
It’s the Christmas season and time to start thinking about the Christmas office party. The one time of the year we can all let our hair down and enjoy the Christmas cheer together. It’s the one occasion you can snog your boss and watch your manager make a drunken fool of himself. Lets spare a thought for our managers for a moment. Could it be managers are the most stressed out people in the office? Managers pressure from Above and below In fact it’s in our best interest to keep our managers stress free and calm this Christmas, because stress is so contagious. Like second-hand smoke, stress spreads just as fast and lingers for just as long. There’s a fine line between bad stress and good stress. Good stress is called ‘Eustress’ and it motivates us to be more than what we think we are, while bad stress is called ‘Anger’ and it leads to chronic illnesses like heart disease and death. A good manager is someone who delegates tasks and checks their own stress levels to ensure their stress doesn’t affect others. Good managers will never under-estimate the ill affects of second-hand stress. Learn to stay alert and set your boundaries against stressful external sources, because it’s very easy to let someone else’s anxiety or sense of urgency increase your own inner feelings of stress. Second-hand stress is as contagious as the pneumonic plague! It’s that serious! A good manager is a good communicator Pressured from above to get the job done on time, within budget and by the book; a good manager will turn the stress...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Abuse, Anger, Domestic, Emotions, Inspiration, Media, Mike Fisher, Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, Shame, Stress
Aaaaargh! We are a nation of hotheads who can’t get through one day without getting irate. In a bid to calm down, Stylist investigates anger management I knew I’d made a mistake the moment I pushed her. It was as if my arms had become separated from my body, fuelled by the heat rising from the pit of my stomach and spreading across my chest. Yes, we were both drunk, and yes, we were having a blazing row, but I was the one who made it physical. When I look back on that night I can see I was out of control. I’d never laid a hand on anyone before, let alone one of my oldest and dearest friends. And although it was only a shove, it was enough to dampen our friendship forever. This is not the only time I’ve given my mind over to anger. There have been thoughtless spiky comments which reduced my mother to tears; a close call with the LAPD after an argument with a bouncer on holiday (I told him he’d never satisfied a woman); and an entire five-year relationship that was blighted with snide, passive aggressive taunts. I look back on these occasions and feel physically sick (although I can raise a smile about the bouncer) because most of the things I regret in my life happened when I was angry. But I know I’ve got company. Picture how you felt the last time someone sidled in front of you at a bar. Or when you were on hold for 45 minutes, only to be passed between five people, just to get...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Depression, Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Inspiration, Mike Fisher, Resources, Stress
According to Mike Fisher’s ‘Beating Anger’ book, there are two forms of stress, eustress and distress, healthy and potentially destructive. While most of us see stress in negative terms, a small amount of it helps us achieve a high performance and can actually be good for health. High flying executives working in high pressures jobs strive on eustress and wouldn’t choose to live without it. It motivates people to do their very best and triggers an alarm in their subconscious if they aren’t working to their peak performance. It could even be argued that eustress is fundamental for living fully. Without it our lives could become meaningless. We wouldn’t care about goals or overcoming challenges. Without eustress we may not have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Eustress? Eustress has become a term used to describe the feeling of, for example, inheriting a large sum of money or receiving an unexpected promotion. Imagine you won the lottery… For the next few months you will be under eustress as you decide what to do with your millions. It’s the kind of stress you’ll gladly welcome with open arms, as you decide what to invest in first. Eustress motivates you to be more than you ever imagined. Eustress is winning the promotion and then having to deliver the goods. Eustress is the stress of winning and achieving, while destructive stress on the other hand, is distress. It’s related to being overwhelmed, becoming depressed and not coping. Distress de-motivates us, wear and tears us down and can lead to chronic exhaustion. Unchecked distress leads to fatigue (chronic stress), which...
by admin | May 29, 2014 | Anger, Domestic, Inspiration, Mike Fisher
When Mike Fisher leads a anger management workshop he knows that it’s not just people and their anger he’s dealing with. Family, friends, relationships, children and loved ones become mixed up in the problems, and it can be a painfull expereience for all involved. Mike often says there’s nothing better than feedback from people that he has helped sort out their anger, and turned their life around. One of Mike’s latest workshops, the anger management workshop provided lots of positive reviews, with many participiants taking the time to email in and thank Mike directly. People participating in the workshops were asked to answer a few questions about their experiences in the weeks following the workshop, and the responses were encouraging to say the least. What differences in your behaviour did others notice? Calmer, more approachable Far more calm and understanding, looked years younger. That I was clearly trying to not fly of the handle That I was trying to manage my behaviour better and more willing to discuss my issues in a less hostile way Hopefully that in situations where in the past I would have lost my temper I don’t now I was easier to get along and live with! Less reactive I don’t lose my temper and I’m more open with my feelings about how I feel. More relaxed Was “less angry” i.e. I didn’t take out my anger on my partner. What were the immediate benefits for you after the programme? A deeper sense of calm and inner peace. Less inner chuntering chewing over anger issues and a deep desire to learn more about myself through...
