Stress affecting kids like never before

A Big Lottery Fund commissioned survey has revealed shocking statistics, which paint a damning picture of the state of mind of our kids. 58% of them feel stressed or worried at least once a week, while one in six say they feel stressed daily, with almost half of kids losing sleep through stress, whilst more than one in ten are so worried they can’t eat. Desperately Sad It makes it all the more difficult to admit that the stress of the parents’ is being dumped on their kids like never before. Exams and tests are the most common source of worry for kids, while family issues aren’t far behind with kids being kept awake at night worrying about their parents arguing, splitting up or losing their jobs. Once upon a time all our kids had to worry about was getting back home in time for tea. Now-a-days parents don’t let their children out of their sight. If they aren’t in touching distance, they are in visible distance. Our kids no longer benefit from the space and freedoms, which earlier generations took for granted, and as a consequence, our kids are clearly suffering. How kids feel about themselves is paramount to what kind of parents they become. Experiencing stress at such an early age affects their self-esteem and confidence, without teaching them to understand their anger as a natural feeling; they will become victims of their own stress and ultimately go on to lead a life of unfulfilled potential. What the kids and parents may not appreciate is that stress is a direct response to anger Perhaps it is this,...

Christmas – Don’t get your Tinsel in a Tangle

    Christmas is coming and the most stressful time of the year is drawing near. So much to do. The tree is top priority, followed closely by presents, food, drink and good-cheer in equal measure. Christmas is the most stressful time of the year. More than half of us have family disagreements and a quarter of us say our relationships with our partners come under immense pressure. We have never been under so much pressure to deliver a perfect Christmas. We’re lured into thinking Christmas is perfect by the glossy TV Christmas adverts, with celebrities smiling as they huddle around the Christmas tree exchanging gifts, beautifully wrapped. Everyone must be happy and cheerful through the season of goodwill. No one is allowed to be sad or depressed. NO ONE MUST GET ANGRY!             Here’s what to do and not to do over Xmas. Prepare, prepare, prepare! Its the only way you’ll give yourself the time to relax and enjoy the day. Don’t give yourself a hard time making everything perfect. Stop and look at the bigger picture, its just one day! Think about the incidents, which press your buttons in all the wrong ways. Our buttons are unique to all of us and what makes one person angry is completely different to the next. Figure out a strategy of how you are going to deal with those circumstances, whether it’s a brother-in-law, mother-in-law or wife.   Think about the Bigger Picture! Christmas is the one day that getting angry isn’t worth the long term consequences. You are never as good as your last...

Ever feel angry with children?

Here are 10 coping strategies to help you defuse. Article from Healthier Mummy. Find Article here I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get a bit angry and shouty with my children. It’s usually because they’re not listening, or they’re squabbling or faffing about while I’m trying to get their hair and teeth brushed before it’s time to leave for school. Sometimes it’s simply the level of noise – a house with three kids is lived at top volume, and it can make my head spin. Sometimes, however, I shout because I’m dead tired and ready for the day to end. And of course, they’re still not listening. But I don’t like myself much when I lose control with my kids, so recently I signed up for a course on understanding anger for parents run by the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM). Here are the top 10 things I learned: It’s not them, it’s you. Think about the last time you were angry with your children. ‘A parent doesn’t get angry because of what a child says or does,’ says Mike Fisher, director of BAAM. ’Instead you get angry because of a sense of momentary inadequacy – for that moment, you felt like a failure as a parent because you had no control over your child.’ He says that when your child pushes back against your rules, you feel you then have justification for getting angry. Listen carefully to your child. Many parents don’t listen properly, according to Mike. Ask your child what he needs, and hear what he has to say. Accept that it’s okay to have a different opinion. We all...

Stress and Low Self-Esteem

Mike Fisher is Europe’s leading expert on stress and anger management. As the founder of the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM), and having helped over 16,000 people over a 16 year period, he knows a lot about how low self esteem leads to stress, and how stress leads to anger.   Promoting BAAM’s latest products of mediation, stress audits, conflict free resolutions, face-to-face Skype work and group stress programmes, Mike tells us how low self esteem has a direct correlation to stress.   He says that the idea of how stress affects low self esteem is actually pandemic in our culture, citing evidence that nearly all BAAM clients have the underlining issue of low self esteem.   When a person is suffering from low self esteem, there are five contributing factors.   Priority. If you don’t prioritise yourself, you will find you take on projects, activities or say yes to certain commitments because you aren’t considering how taking on somebody else’s prioritises, affects your own emotional wellbeing and health. If you don’t make yourself a priority in your own life, you will in effect be ignoring your own stress signs, ignoring what you are capable of doing and not capable of doing and ignoring your own limitations. Pressure. Through the years of helping people, Mike is aware of how many individuals put themselves under copious amounts of pressure to perform, which eventually exhausts them and they become ill. Mike has recognised the correlation between stress and anger. He says that stress fuels anger and gives us this simple formula to better understand it: Reduced Stress + Reduced Anger = Increased...

Angry Couples

When the opportunity came to attend one of Mike Fisher’s British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) weekend courses, I grabbed it with both hands. I’ll be totally honest with you. I’ve been in a relationship for eleven years now and since having kids, its fair to say that I’ve been angry everyday since. Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner and I love our kids. As is the case in many relationships, its not an issue of love, sex or attraction, but rather how couples react to anger and disappointment, which dictates whether they live in joyful bliss or abstract misery. We get on like a house-on-fire when the kids are at school. When its peaceful and quiet, we love each other as friends should, but come breakfast, lunch, dinner, bath time and bed time, we’re stressed out and getting angrier by the minute; and more often than not, we end up bickering like brother and sister. And that is exactly what Mike Fisher touches upon during his course. He got us to think of the last time we were at boiling point, and then stopped us and asked how old we were feeling at that precise moment. We all confessed to feeling as if we were kids again. Seven years old being shouted at by mum, feeling ashamed and scared, nine years old and having a fight with our sister or ten years old and on the verge of tears while dad shouts in your face over a minor misdemeanour. Its true, we all revert back to being kids when we get angry with each other; we...

School and Stress

The summer holidays are over and its time to go back to school. A million children sigh as the inevitable becomes tomorrow. No more staying up late and getting up late. No more relaxed days under the warm sun and certainly no more hose pipes, shorts and tee-shirts. The young children are getting stressed over facing the unknown starting school for the first time, the older kids are wary of returning to the guarded friendships and bullying of the playground, while teenagers dread the regimented world where they have to buckle down to work and get the A grades. Then there is the parent’s to think about. No more late nights with early starts and no more lazy breakfasts and easy routines. There are uniforms to buy, wash and iron. New stationary, new bags, new shoes and new sports kit to get.   The school run is a nightmare for every parent across the nation. Deciding who takes the kids is enough to initiate divorce proceedings. The change of routine can be as stressful to the parents as for the children. More often then not the stress of the starting school brings out the anger in all the family, and soon the adults are acting like children and the whole house is in uproar. ‘It’s entirely normal to feel a degree of stress as the start of school approaches.’ experts would say.   What can you do about it? There are always tools and methods to help you through any kind of stressful situation. Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) is an expert in stress...
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