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Blog posts relating to anger and related issues

Mad About Miscommunication

    Miscommunication or crossed-wires can cause anger. This is because we as humans do not like to feel like we are misunderstood. However, it is very important to look at the other person’s perspective in any given situation. It may be that you need to improve the way that you communicate your feelings to your friends and family. This may mean that you need to analyse your feelings alone or with a therapist before you bring up the issue with your friend or partner. As feelings are subjective, it is sometimes very hard for other people to see the reasons behind your behaviour. This means that unless you explain the reasons behind the hurt, the upset and the anger, that they are never going to understand where you are coming from. When dealing with someone who is expressing their feelings it is imperative that you do not invalidate their feelings and when you, yourself are expressing your feelings, point out that you do not appreciate anyone who attempts to invalidate yours. The other person is not you and therefore has no idea what you are feeling. The only way that the other person is going to realise how much they have hurt you is through you communicating and explaining to that person what they did wrong and how it made you feel. This then gives them a chance to explain their motives and what drove them to the behaviour; more often than not the person didn’t intend to hurt you or didn’t even realise that their actions would hurt your feelings. Miscommunication between men and women happen frequently...

Why parents are getting angrier: ‘Children are bored out of their skulls with real life’

  “It’s hard to know the difference between parenting and bullying,” admits Matt, father of two and one of a growing number of parents seeking help to control what they see as unacceptable levels of anger towards their children. Matt is an articulate and successful self-employed businessman in his 40s. After he split up from their mother five years ago, his two sons, then 11 and 14, started to act up by answering back, skipping homework, drinking and taking drugs. It marked the start of a phase of intense anger for Matt, who eventually sought help. “I have on a few occasions grabbed my eldest son by the scruff of his neck and shouted in his face. I couldn’t understand why they don’t do what I want them to do. Even now they make me question my skills as a parent.” He’s not alone. Over two decades, Mike Fisher has seen first-hand the effect of anger on children and their parents. Since setting up the British Association of Anger Managementin 1999, he has worked with tens of thousands of people, helping them to manage and understand their anger. For the past 13 years he has also delivered one-day workshops specifically aimed at parental anger, for Ealing council in west London. The course is always heavily oversubscribed. “We always have to turn people away and put them on a waiting list for the next one,” says Kate Subanney, Ealing’s parent commissioner, whose idea it was to get Mike involved. The parents she sends his way have all been referred to her by social services, the NHS, police, or solicitors, but...

Mind Your Mindset: LET IT GO

    “Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you” Joel Osteen It is true. Every day we have opportunities to get angry, when driving to work in a pleasant mood and you are suddenly cut up by an inconsiderate driver or working for the boss who is forever demeaning you or your co-worker who is trying to pass off your ideas as their own. There will always be something in your day that has the potential to throw you off track. But that is all it is: potential. You have the power over your own happiness and you have the power to make the decision and just let it go. Feeling angry is appropriate if someone has done something to hurt you out of malice. This is when you need your better judgement to decide whether that person had the intention of causing you harm. If the answer is no, then you need to make the conscious decision to let it go. Sometimes we ask advice from others but then find ourselves fighting off criticism or comments from a colleague or a friend. Stop and think to yourself, “is this person’s intention to cause me harm?” The colleague may be trying to help you impress your boss and your friend may just be trying to help you improve your relationship. Either way you need to assess people’s intentions before you blow your fuse. You...

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